Let’s start with the story of Elliot Roger. Who decides to release a manifesto “MY TWISTED LIFE” in which he describes his unfair life and his problems with people. After releasing that he posts this video on YouTube.
https://www.nytimes.com/video/players/offsite/index.html?videoId=100000002900707
That same evening, he kills his three roommates with a knife, and after that proceeds to the women’s hostel at the University of California. After knocking when no one opens in a fit of rage he shoots and kills two girls passing by. Then drives off in a car and on the way shoots a woman on a bike and runs his car on a skateboarder and kills him too. After that stops at a supermarket and starts shooting. He even kills a cop and then kills himself with the same gun.
AND HERE ARE SOME STATISTICS FOR YOU
A 98% of these mass shooting crimes have been committed by men, according to The Violence Project, a non-partisan research group that tracks U.S. mass shooting data dating back to 1966 In 2022/21, 90% of the arrested were male (149), and 10% (16) were female. Among 215000 Violent Sexual Crimes recorded in the EU (2015 data), 90% of victims were women, and 99% imprisoned for the crimes were male. Self-referral and referral from family and friends are the most common routes for clients to access drug treatment services regardless of sex. However, males account for more than 90% of referrals originating from the criminal justice system, which is overall the third most common route of referral to specialist drug services Nowadays, if you look at the riots, you will notice that the only difference between both them is their religion or ideology. Their economical background, social status, and personal habits are all same. And you have heard countless times that if a person is a terrorist he has to be a Muslim. If a male has harassed someone then all men are animals. If someone is black then they are inferior or whites are superior. Just like this without thinking we should not label anyone because it makes the problem more complicated rather than solving it. That’s why we have to ask this question how do males become such toxic, who hurt others and themselves? Is being masculine toxic or does toxicity stems from something way deeper which is giving masculinity a bad name? Let’s explore it more
WHAT SOCIETY MISUNDERSTOOD ABOUT MEN
Famous author Joseph Campbell and psychiatrist Carl Jung talked about the same idea that in the life of males, except their biological father, there is a need for another father figure. And with that secondary father, the male needs to go on a journey too. Now, why is that, regarding this Joseph Campbell in his book The Hero With His Thousand Faces tells us that in this world all the old mythical stories, maybe old Vedic myths, Mesopotamian myths, Norse greek myths, or maybe stories of this era like Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Lord of the Rings in all of them the heroes follow a kind of similar journey which is know as the Heros’s Journey. This journey is very complicated and will take us out of the scope of this blog. So we will leave this for later
But keeping it very short Joseph Campbell describes it with a story that in the history of many indigenous societies the fear of masks is instilled in kids since childhood. Now after that child grows up until the mother can no longer take care of the child alone some people come and take the child away. Then a man with the mask comes and scares the child, beats him, and challenges him to fight him. That boy gets beaten up a lot but one day he stands up and fights the masked man with courage, valor, and hard work. After seeing the determination and dedication of the child the masked man lets him win. And places his mask on the face of the child.
So in this story, Joseph Campbell symbolizes the mother as the comfort zone that the child does not want to leave. The mask symbolizes a badge of honor or proof of mastery of a skill that governs the productivity of civilization. And the man that beats the child is the mentor or secondary father. And the fight between the man and the child is not only limited to hand-to-hand combat but the secondary father challenges the old beliefs, his fear, and his old knowledge to teach something new which that child is scared to learn, the secondary father tests him too. So in the end after listening to his secondary father that child becomes a master in specific skills. Meaning the mask that the masked man or the secondary father used to wear now the child wears it. Additionally, the secondary father introduces the child to a world where he could use his talent. These themes could be seen in movies like Whiplash where J.K. Simmons plays the character of the masked man and Miles Teller is that child. Instead of Whiplash, this can be also seen in the movie The Karate Kid and Rocky. And another surprising thing is you can see this in the life of a lot of famous people like the father figure of Cristiano Ronaldo is Alex Ferguson, father figure of Neil deGrasse Tyson is Carl Sagan, father figure of James Clerk Maxwell is Michael Faraday, and the father figure of Michael Gerard Tyson is Cus D’Amato. And if you are very lucky such an example can be found in your life it could be your coach, your teacher, or even your own father.
But this question arises why is there a need to go through all this? Is the journey or the guide important? Well, there are two reasons for this, the first reason which Ernest Becker mentions in his book The Denial of Death. Basically, the biggest problem of a human is that he knows that he is going to die. Now to escape death and stay in this world there is a shortcut. And the shortcut is that if he masters a particular field, hones a skill to excellence, and then gives that mask to some child so now that child and the world remember him.
I MEAN, THEY SAY YOU DIE TWICE. ONE TIME WHEN YOU STOP BREATHING AND A SECOND TIME, A BIT LATER ON, WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS YOUR NAME FOR THE LAST TIME.
— Banksy
The second reason is that a defeat in a man’s loved journey, then contemplating on why he lost, rectifying them, learning new knowledge, and using the knowledge to win, during this process a man achieves an unconscious flow state. In short, a man just wants to be unconscious, he wants to submerge in something so much that he forgets everything, and that is why the male today is so distracted. They don’t have a journey or a secondary father figure. In this day and age, a few father figures we have are Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate, or the books of some authors.
WHY MALES DON’T HAVE SECONDARY FATHER FIGURES
This links back to the previous story in which now the mother can not control the child meaning that the comfort of the mother is not enough for the child. But that doesn’t mean he wants to leave his comfort zone he now wants conflict in his life. He wants to go on his Hero’s Journey.
A few years back our education system and job market were like a mother who wanted to give us everything at home. Our education system was built to create workers who would quietly do their work. Anyone could get a job after doing just a basic degree. But now that mother is old and can no longer provide that comfort and safety meaning that the job market nowadays does not want factory workers but creative people that is why the comfort of mothers has now become a jail for the child. Our education system only gives us two routes science and commerce now the children who are good with theories or have an interest in them move forward and for the rest of the children, the education system becomes a jail. So the males dont get the chance to go on their journey, so just go with the follow and do not have any father figure too.
BYPRODUCTS OF NOT HAVING A JOURNEY OR A FATHER FIGURE
Firstly considering males who have normal or even very good economical background but don’t have a journey. So to achieve that unconscious state indulge themselves in activities like binge-watching Netflix or web series, gaming all day, scrolling endlessly through social media, or watching porn. If they are in a relationship then they find conflict in a relationship instead of solving the problem, complicating it even more and the whole thing just becomes a drama. Males who have some extra money become alcoholics or drug addicts.
A Forbes report details that many endocrinology studies show that testosterone levels in males are decreasing by 1% per year and this has been the case since 1980. Moreover telling that males nowadays are not masculine like their fathers used to be at their age.
Now there is another male who is now in his late 20s or 30s and does not have any achievements in his life he knows it and he also knows that these drugs, gaming, and porn are just distractions. He starts developing a sense of awareness but he still can not leave them or initiate a change in his life. So he gets frustrated on top of being aware. That is why that person wanting to increase his self-worth starts finding something in his life. So he can feel proud of them. If he is a Muslim then watching any famous Islamic scholar telling surprising facts or winning debates and feeling proud inside. Or if he is a Hindu, then feeling proud of the thousands of years old history of his religion. Other than this male follows any kind of political or philosophical ideas that serves their own biases and argues with others and feel very happy about winning. But finding self-worth in these things and winning arguments has zero effect on his life. There is no effect on his life growth but still, he keeps doing it. But what else is there for him to do?
Some males are unsuccessful in their life and develop hate for it best example is shown in the movies Taxi Driver. In which a young taxi driver named Travis Bickle who is very lonely, and somehow gets a girlfriend who is very pretty whom he respects a lot but unknowingly he makes such a mistake that his girlfriend leaves him. He tries reasoning with her and fails to lead him to hate and curse her. This psychological condition is defined by Sigmund Freud as Goddess-Whore Complex meaning a woman who they are attracted to is like a goddess to them but when she rejects them she is labeled as a whore.
Now the third and most dangerous male is the one who neither has any journey nor his family nor other people none of them respect him. He lacks even the economical support to have a normal life and there is a high chance that he has a mental disorder. This person is aware of his condition and is frustrated. He falls into the victim mindset and he has only one goal to unleash his anger into the world. That’s why police have such a hard time controlling these riots because these people would attack anyone. Now, why is there such a behavior, well a movie in 1999 very effectively answered this question “Fight Club”. This movie shows how Tyler Durden a pseudo-father figure turns young males into his servants. He does not respect any of them. But they happily obey him in the illusion of getting self-worth, freedom from the system, and getting a goal in life. Those people become his space monkeys because he gives them the right motivation to unleash their anger in society. Even today leaders of terrorist organizations trick young people into joining them and sending them on missions. The reason or motivation could be anything like “The Indians oppressed us a lot, we have to fight for Kashmir”. Or on the side of Hindu extremism, it is, “Muslims have killed so many of our brothers or sisters now it’s their turn. We Hindus have only one nation left, we have to get rid of these Muslims.”
In the movie Fight Club, you also saw when Bob dies becomes a hero similarly if a person of a particular organization does a very big mission becomes a hero. One motivation behind young people becoming suicide bombing is that the person is living his Hero’s Journey
Now killing of innocent life is unforgivable, no matter what the story was behind it but these young people choosing such paths shows us that we need to think about this very carefully. There are many dire flaws in the current systems. And understanding the problem of males is very important for us because there are not many people who think and talk about their issues which can be displayed through the countless production of films portraying the existential struggles of women.
CONCLUSION
And I will end this blog with problems only because I can’t see any easy or simple answer but before even solving them, we have to acknowledge them. Because people mostly just ignore them as toxic masculinity when they are just toxic byproducts of mishandling masculinity.
